One of the hardest writing skills to master is the art of
knowing what to take out. Many rough
drafts are guilty of repetition and over-explanation. Consider the dangers of spoon-feeding your
readers. At best, you'll come off as
lacking subtlety. You'll rob your
readers of the chance to exercise their brains.
At worst, you'll annoy them or insult their intelligence. If you want to lose readers, there's no
better way than by talking down to them.
If you want to keep readers, set things up and then trust them to draw
the conclusion for themselves.
Problem #1: Showing and then Telling.
A lot is said about how writers must "show, not
tell." Generally it's good advice,
though telling sometimes works better and you shouldn't be afraid of using both
strategies, depending on the situation.
What you really want to avoid is showing and then telling. Here are some
examples.
He slammed his fist against the table, stood up, and threw
the telephone at the wall so hard the paint chipped. He was angry.
Your reader figured out he was angry from his actions. Cut out the last three words and let the
action stand.
"What? I had no
idea!" Ben was surprised.
The dialogue indicates Ben's surprise. No need to tell us.
People were sharing seats, squatting in the aisles, and
pressing themselves against the back wall.
"It's crowded in here," she said.
Yes, Mistress of the Obvious, it is indeed crowded.
Dressed in his fluorescent vest, he stepped into the street,
enjoying the power he and his sign held over the impatient drivers in the
stopped cars. The kids skipped past,
chatting and laughing, texting and teasing.
Once his flock made it safely across, he hopped back onto the curb. He liked his job as a crossing guard.
If you're afraid your readers won't understand what he's
doing, or how he's feeling about it, revise your showing section. Don't just tack a bit of telling on the
end. If you've done your job well
enough, the reader will get it.
These are pretty blatant misuses of telling, though they
pepper the manuscripts I've been reading lately. What most of us need to look for in our own
work are the less glaring examples.
Adam lifted his hand to knock on the front door, but the
moment his knuckles hit, the door gave way and swung open by itself. The hall lay empty, quiet.
"Mom?"
The nightlight was still on.
Dad always turned it off when he got up at dawn.
"Dad?"
Something scritch-scratched in the living room. Adam grabbed an umbrella from the stand by
the door and held it up, facing the archway.
Bowser, ears sagging, padded through and whined at Adam's feet. Something was wrong.
"Something was wrong" can amp up the tension, but
make sure it actually does so. Otherwise,
you're just negating all your showing.
Take out the last line and see what you think.
Solution to Showing
and then Telling:
When you revise, read your work slowly and look especially
for direct subjective descriptions ("She was beautiful, The city was
exciting") and statements about how people feel or what they want (John
was happy. Levi hoped she would
stay). Then check to see if you showed
the same thing immediately before. If
so, cut out the telling. Read it again a
couple of days later and if it still makes sense, you didn't need it. Your writing will be stronger for it.
Next time:
Problem #2: Beatingyour Reader Over the Head with Big Themes
Problem #3: Spelling E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G out
Problem #3: Spelling E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G out
Melinda Brasher is the author of Far-Knowing, a YA fantasy novel, and Leaving Home, a collection of short stories, travel essays, and
flash fiction. Her fiction appears in THEMA Literary Journal, Enchanted
Conversation, Ellipsis Literature and Art, and others. Visit her blog for all the latest: http://www.melindabrasher.com
