"Show" in Your Stories, but Sometimes it's Okay to "Tell"

"Don't tell me the moon is shining;
show me the glint of light on the broken glass."
                                                  Anton Chekhov

Learning how to “show” and not “tell” our stories seems to be one of the more challenging aspects of writing for children. We are all storytellers after all, and it’s only natural for us to want to “tell” our stories in person or on paper. When it comes to writing for children, “showing” our stories makes our stories come alive. But contrary to the common concept of “show, don’t tell,” I’ve found that it is sometimes okay to “tell.”

What is the difference between “show” and “tell?” With “show,” readers become the character. A connection is created between the reader and the character. The reader has the freedom to interpret what the character is going through, and feels the character’s emotions—his joy, his pain, his sorrow—whatever he is feeling. A book that has helped me interpret my characters’ emotions into actions is The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression, by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi.

On the other hand, telling the story does not allow the reader to discover for themselves what the character is going through—she’s being told what is happening. Rather than the reader using her imagination and empathizing with the character, she is being told by the author what is happening to the character.

Examples of “show, don’t tell” from Jerry Jenkins’ blog:

• Telling: The temperature fell and the ice reflected the sun.
• Showing: Bill’s nose burned in the frigid air, and he squinted against the sun reflecting off the street.
• Telling: Suzie was blind.
• Showing: Suzie felt for the bench with white cane.

If you haven’t mastered “show, don’t tell,” don’t worry. Leona Brits writes, “Once you understand [show, don’t tell] and use it, there’s no going back: your writing will include it, intuitively.”

Get Rid of the Narrator 

In a fiction course I took when first learning how to write stories, my instructor would listen to one of my paragraphs and blast me with: Author Intrusion! You’re telling not showing! Get rid of the narrator!

At the time I asked myself, who is this narrator? I found out the narrator is that sneaky behind-the-scenes person who speaks up, thinking experiences the characters are having need to be “explained,” so that the reader will understand what the character is going through.

Here is what I would do. I would begin by “showing” what was happening with dialogue and action, and then in the next sentence, so that my reader would understand, I would explain what the characters were doing and saying. Needless to say, like most beginning writers, it took a while for me to rid myself of the need to “tell” my reader all about my story. I learned, though. From that uncomfortable moment with my instructor on I’ve snuffed out that sneaky narrator whenever I find her lurking in the background.

Problem solved? Not quite. I’ve written four books now, and during revision I still find “telling” sentences, though now that I've had more practice (and mind you, patience), I can spot "telling" sentences more easily.

Try Using a Pattern

Two mentor books that sit on my desk are Chris Eboch’s, You Can Write for Children, and Advanced Plotting. In the former book, Eboch suggests using a pattern that she quotes from Manuscript Makeover, by Elizabeth Lyon. Here is the pattern: Stimulus—reaction/emotion—thoughts—action. 

• Stimulus: Something happens to your main character.
• Reaction/emotion: Your character has an emotional reaction, which can be shown with dialogue, such as an exclamation or an expression; add to that a physical reaction, such as he clenches his fists or blushes. The Emotion Thesaurus is a good reference to help with giving your characters physical reactions to emotions they are experiencing.
• Thoughts: What your character thinks about the situation, and what he decides to do about it. Action: your character acts on the decision he has made. Eboch explains that this sequence can take one sentence or several pages, as long as the character’s emotional and intellectual reactions are shown, and they lead to a decision. Also, the pattern can be varied.

Get to Know your Characters

One of the books that brought home to me how to “show,” is Creating Characters Kids Will Love, by Elaine Marie Alphin. In a nutshell, Alphin suggests:

• Decide on a general idea of the plot.
• Decide who your character is, his background, experiences he’s had. What is his motivation? What’s at stake? What will happen if he doesn’t succeed?
• Decide what your character will be doing, the actions he will take in order to develop the plot.
• Then put yourself in your character’s shoes—get into his head—and perform his actions according to who he is: a skilled third grader or a third grader who is unsure of himself.
• Go through the series of actions he is taking, step-by-step, even trying these actions out yourself to see what they feel like.
• Develop your scenes to show something about your character.

Here is an example of how Benjy, Alphin's twelve-year-old main character, climbed down a precarious roof, from her book The Ghost Cadet:

Benjy’s actions: His sneakers were braced against the roof’s shingles. Slowly, Benjy took one hand off the sill and gripped a lower shingle instead. Then he took a deep breath, told himself very firmly not to be afraid, and let go of the sill with his other hand. There was a bad moment when his free hand couldn’t seem to find a shingle, but Benjy made himself stay calm, and finally his damp palm slid down one row of shingles and he hooked his fingers over the next one and held tight. After that, inching his way down row by row didn’t seem so terrible. Two more paragraphs continue Benji’s climb.

In the last paragraph, we delve into Benjy’s thoughts: Why couldn’t he have been a few inches taller? Benjy cursed his height silently. Even just a couple of inches would have meant his toes might have been able to feel the bench beneath him. But wishing wouldn’t make him grow. Benjy looked down one last time and asked himself whether this was really necessary. Flexing his arms, knees, and body, he ordered himself to relax, and took a deep breath, and let go.

While writing my first book, Secret in the Stars, this example from Alphin’s book helped me “show” my story.

A Case for “Telling, not Showing” 

“Telling” is acceptable at times, when you need to fill in brief mention of necessary information. Here’s an interesting example from the first paragraph of The Red Ghost, by Marion Dane Bauer; interesting because of Dane’s use of the word “was,” normally a no-no, especially at the beginning of a story:

The doll wore red velvet. Her dress was made of red velvet, and her bonnet was, too. Both were trimmed in white lace, but the white lace only made the velvet seem more red.

As in all of Dane’s books, there is a lilt to her first paragraph in The Red Ghost that is most pleasing, appealing, and enjoyable, despite her use of the word “was.” But for writers with less experience such as moi, using “was” might not be the best choice for a book opening unless it captivates the reader right away, as Dane’s first paragraph does.

And there is the case of “Good Telling:” that “telling” is sometimes better than “showing.” In Mary Kole’s article, “How to Write Fiction: When to Tell Instead of Show,” Kole discusses how she learned about J.K. Rowling’s use of “Good Telling,” as described in a speech given by Cheryl Klein, titled, “A Few Things Writers Can Learn from Harry Potter.”

Klein claims that in the Harry Potter books there is a pattern of topic sentences that explains how Harry is feeling, or heralds in a change about something that could happen, rather than "showing." In chapter two of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, the topic sentence explains how excited Harry is that he’s going to go to the zoo: “Harry had the best morning he’d had in a long time.” The caveat is that the sentences that follow “show Harry keeping out of Dudley’s punching range and eating a dessert Dudley doesn’t want. This does a double job of showing: it makes Harry’s life seem pretty dismal, and it makes him seem like a nice kid. Without the Good Telling topic sentence, those neat details wouldn’t pack as much punch. As Klein puts it, “Sometimes readers need the plain straightforward direction of telling to elucidate the point of all that showing.”

To read Kole’s article, go to: https://kidlit.com/when-to-tell-instead-of-show/. It is well worth your time.

Then there are the children’s classics, such as The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams, The Tale of Peter Rabbit, by Beatrix Potter, and The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I could be wrong, but I think the term “storybook” has been lost, at least it was in my cursory search on Google, as I tried to find examples of books that are narrated, or “told” by the author. The closest I could come was a list of classic children’s books on the website Milwaukee with Kids.We all know that these stories are among the most beloved of children’s classics such as the books I mentioned, and serve as another example of when it’s okay to “tell” a story.

For now, as a new children’s author, I plan to stick to “showing” in my stories. And with the practice I’ve had, I find that when to “show” and when to “tell” comes intuitively, just as Leona Brits predicted.

The best part? Learning the ins-and-outs of this technique will give us as children’s authors more confidence than we ever thought possible, and will make writing our treasured stories more fun to write, and fun for children, to read.

Sources:

For six tips on implementing "Show, don’t Tell," go to “My Golden Rules to ‘Show Don’t Tell,’ by 

Clipart: https://all-free-download.com.

https://kidlit.com/when-to-tell-instead-of-show/Leona Brits.

https://writingcooperative.com/my-golden-rules-to-show-dont-tell-f4d030eca8c9. https://jerryjenkins.com/show-dont-tell/.

https://www.mkewithkids.com/post/top-25-classic-novels-your-kids-will-love.

Watch for Tall Boots, available
on Amazon in paperback, eBook, and
audiobook, coming soon!

Linda Wilson, a former elementary teacher, has published over 150 articles for children and adults, several short stories for children, and her first book, Secret in the Stars: An Abi Wunder Mystery, which is available on Amazon. Publishing credits include biosketches for the library journal, Biography Today, which include Troy Aikman, Stephen King, and William Shatner; Pockets; Hopscotch; and an article for Highlights for Children. Secret in the Mist, the second in the Abi Wunder series, is coming soon. A Packrat Holiday: Thistletoe’s Gift, and Tall Boots, Linda’s picture books, will be published soon. Follow Linda on https://www.lindawilsonauthor.com.

Practice Creating Strong Story Settings with Visual Writing Prompts

Setting plays a big part in any novel or short story.

And the best way to create a strong sense of setting is to "show" your readers where your characters are living out your story.

But how do you do this?

Well, it takes practice.

Generally, you will want to weave in details about your setting within the dialogue and action provided by your characters rather than include paragraph after paragraph of description.

To do this, you'll want to use strong sensory details that bring your setting—and your entire story—to life.

Here's a way to practice creating a strong setting.

Use each of these photos, below, as visual writing prompts and describe each setting using a variety of sensory details.

In other words, describe how each scene looks, the sounds you would hear there, the smells you would smell, what things you could feel there, and even the tastes you might experience there.

It might feel awkward at first to include details for each of the five senses, but, if you keep practicing this, it will get easier.

After you've created sensory details for each of the above photos (or settings), now create some characters to live in each setting.

Next, have these characters interact through dialogue.

Also, have them take action and move through the setting for some reason important to your storyline.

If nothing else, this little exercise should help you see and understand the importance of sensory details in setting.

Try it!

Suzanne Lieurance is a full time freelance writer, the author of 35 published books (at last count) and a writing coach.

She lives and writes by the sea in Jensen Beach, Florida.

Learn more about her books and her coaching services at www.writebythesea.com and sign up for her free email, The Morning Nudge, with tips and resources for writers delivered to your mailbox every weekday morning.

Getting Rid of Tattletale Words in Your Résumé

By Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of
The Frugal Editor: Do-it yourself editing secrets for authors:
From your query letter to final manuscript to the marketing of your new bestseller

People in all walks of life work mightily on perfecting their résumés and other career-building documents and then forget one vital step. An editor. Preferably an editor versed in all the elements of writing including grammar, punctuation, storytelling…wait! Storytelling?

Yes. And some other surprises like marketing—and a little knowledge about psychology won’t  hurt either.

The list is long but it can be shortened by thinking “experience.” A broad range of experience. So, no, your high school English teacher may not be your best choice. Nor, your mother who “did really well in English.”

There are a whole lot of tattletale words you shouldn’t use in your résumé or related documents like biographies, proposals, query letters, and media kits. All of these documents are designed to convince the reader of your ability to do the job—your expertise—and to nudge your career (or product) toward success.   

So what are those words? And how do they relate to storytelling?

Ambitious is one of the most frequently used tattletale words. It seems like a wasted word doesn’t it. A couple more that mean little because of overuse or are downright laughable are highly motivated or responsible. That you are writing this document is an indication that you are ambitious.

This is where that storytelling thing comes in. You tell a little story that subtly shows the responsible, ambitious, or highly motivated aspect of your work habits. Using the age-old writers’ motto, “show, don’t tell,”  will keep your reader from asking—often with a touch of irony—what makes you ambitious. King Midas was ambitious. Maybe your reader assumes your father got tired of seeing you playing video games and you got ambitious only when it looked as if the couch would no longer be a good place to park yourself.

So what is your story? Tell about the upward movement in your chosen career or even between careers—how one informs the other and gives you knowledge and a dimension that no other applicant is likely to have.

Hardworker and go-getter seem as useless in a résumé or query letter as ambitious. It’s like tooting your own horn. The person reading it might ask, “Who says?”

Overblown adjectives. Words like exciting and amazing—even when they describe results or projects—are anathema. They have the same problem as hardworking above. I call this the awesome syndrome. They are words that tempt a reader to scoff. Instead tell a story about the extra effort you put into a project and the difference it made. Or quote one of the rave reviews you received from one of your supervisors in a periodic assessment, recommendation, or endorsement.

Team player has been a cliché for decades.. Instead choose a group project you’ve worked on and tell about your contributions. Or just list some of the ways you might have helped another department or division. And, because human brains have been wired for stories since we sat around the fires we made in caves, make it into an anecdote if you can.

Think out-of-the-box is also a cliché-ridden no-no. It’s storytelling time again

Microsoft Word. I’m proud that I can produce an entire book using Word from its Contents to its Index to its Footnotes. I love that I don’t have to spend time learning another program. But there’s no point in telling people that I’m an expert at Word. Everyone is. Of course, I can use it prove another point like how well I have managed to adapt its features to new, advanced project and tell how much time I saved by doing that rather than learning a new program. I might mention how much more professional it looked even as I saved that time. And I might mention that my project got rave reviews.

Some frequently used words like synergy have become a way to insert some humor into a résumé and that has become as much of a cliché as the overuse of the word. Marco Buscaglia picked this word out of the hundred (if not thousands) of popular words I call business-ese. You can avoid them by reviewing your copy and purging anything that sounds officious including most words with more than three syllables.

Think in terms of relationships, colleagues in other departments, associates in competing companies, respected academicians, mentors beyond your teachers. Though a good story can take even that kind of mentorship out of the humdrum and into an Aha! Moment.

Before you send off your paper, go over it. Find all the weak verbs—is, be, do—and use your thesaurus to strengthen them and to make them more accurate.

Carolyn Howard-Johnson was an instructor for UCLA Extension's world-renown Writers' Program for nearly a decade and edits books of fiction and poetry. She  is the author of the HowToDoItFrugally series of books for writers including The Frugal Editor  and The Frugal Book Promoter. They are both USA Book News award-winners and both have won several other awards. Her How To Get Great Book Reviews Frugally and Ethically: The ins and outs of using free reviews to build and sustain a writing career.is the newest book in her HowToDoItFrugally series of books for writers. Her The Great First Impression Book Proposal is a booklet that can save anyone writing a proposal time reading tomes because it can be read in 30 minutes flat.

Carolyn is the recipient of the California Legislature's Woman of the Year in Arts and Entertainment Award and was honored by Pasadena Weekly for her literary activism. She is also is a popular speaker and actor. Her website is www.HowToDoItFrugally.com.

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The Best Advice: 9 Writing Tips

Over my writing career I've received a lot of advice. Some of it good and some, well, less valuable. Here are the tips that I find myself sharing with others along the way:

1. Writing: Just start. However you can, whenever you can, just do it. You will not be alone in seeing the blank page and panicking. We've all been there, done that. The first and most important action you can take is to sit down and begin.
2. Writers' Block: Okay, this tags onto number 1. When you don't know what to write - write about that. I'm not sure where to begin. I could begin with the beginning, but I think it will take too long to then get to the action. Perhaps I should begin with the action like start with a really exciting sword fight. . . Suddenly you will find yourself writing. Put pen to paper, fingers to the keyboard and get started.
3. Writing What You Know: I heard that a lot when I was first writing, but I really wanted to also write about things I wanted to learn about. A writing friend of mine learned how to harvest wheat by working on a farm in order to add that element to her story. Write what you know and/or what you want to know more about. Your interest and passion for your topic will transfer to the writing and, most importantly, to the reader.
4. Show Don't Tell: This advice was another I heard often. So the difference between showing and telling? Telling: He was embarrassed. Showing: His ears turned red.
5. Dialog: Go to the mall, the nearest coffee shop or stand in line and listen to conversations. People talk in short sentences. Conversation is a give and take. It should be no different in your story or novel.
6. Characters: Everyone is flawed and complex so each of your characters should be as well. Yes, that includes the heroine, the hero and the villain. The heroine and hero will have flaws and the villain may have a gentle side. That is what makes them interesting. 
7. Surprise the Reader: Every page should contain a surprise for the reader. Okay, what does that mean? Well, a word choice that is a bit different, a decision the reader won't see coming, a plot twist or a metaphor or simile that makes your reader smile. Something that will keep the reader turning the page. 
8. Read out loud: One of the best ways to edit and find errors is through reading your work out loud. Find a quiet place and go for it. This will also help you to find areas where the dialog sounds stilted, where you've used the same word too close together or used words with the same sounds too close. (Using the same words or sounds is not bad in and of itself, only when it's done because of laziness.)
9. Read, Read, Read: Writers should also be readers. 

Now what are you waiting for? Get to it.

_______________________________________

D. Jean Quarles is a writer of Women's Fiction and co-author of a Young Adult Science Fiction Series. Her latest book, Solem was released February 2016.

D. Jean loves to tell stories of personal growth – where success has nothing to do with money or fame, but of living life to the fullest. She is also the author of the novels: Rocky's Mountains, Fire in the Hole, and Perception, and the co-author of The Exodus Series: The Water Planet: Book 1 and House of Glass: Book 2. The Mermaid, an award winning short story was published in the anthology, Tales from a Sweltering City.                                                                                             

She is a wife, mother, grandmother and business coach. In her free time . . . ha! ha! ha! Anyway, you can find more about D. Jean Quarles, her writing and her books at her website at www.djeanquarles.com                                      

You can also follower her on Facebook.